i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
