I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
