hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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