I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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