Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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