What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
