i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
