I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
