I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
