dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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