I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
