dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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