u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
