you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
