We should be called the Road Head Warriors
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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