my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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