remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
