Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
