Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
