I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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