I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
