you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
