Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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