would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
