Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
