I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You ate ashes out of my bong
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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