ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What a dumb baby whore.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
