And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
