I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
