I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
