i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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