im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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