Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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