I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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