He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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