what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
