very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
