I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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