I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
