I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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