Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
