I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
