i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
