Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
