I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
