If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
