I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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