So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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