just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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