I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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