I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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