last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
