i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
