Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The uberlube is also flammable
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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